"I've seen him grow a lot, and I've seen him get more comfortable with his position [as a celebrity]. But I also don't see any change in who he is."
- Kristen

"She's a brilliant actress. Breathtakingly beautiful, and furthermore, she has an unbelievable charisma. In front of the camera we harmonised perfectly, the chemistry just worked."
- Robert

Monday, 15 September 2014

Choose Your Words Carefully...

In 2008, I was invited into this fandom by a friend, who thought that I might like to know about a trilogy of books, about an adolescent/fantasy love, between a Vampire and a human. My love of Vampire lore has always been my weakness, so finding out the person who had successfully landed the role of the Vampire was none other than a young lad, who at just 19 I had the pleasure of meeting, along with the remaining cast of Harry Potter, during the world premiere of The Goblet of Fire in London.

Over the yrs, I have seen the obsession of this persons life grow in a frenzied and sometimes dangerous rate. Fans believing they have the ultimate control on what, who, where and when this person is allowed to be with or how to promote his personal and professional life. The fact that I often wonder if someone had been able to show him or his co star and partner the future; the obsessive need to know everything about their lives, their friends lives, families or their co stars lives and believe every single story the media spins. The opinions and hatred both get moreso from those, who feel that they should not be together based in their own petty need of controlling and obsessing over either. Would they have backed away from the lucrative deal Summit Entertaiment was enticing them with, turned to each other, shook hands and walked away from it all?

I know what my answer would be.
I have seen so much obsession, so much need, so much lying and so many 'insiders' I feel like a character from a horror movie, my head is about to spin and explode.
I have seen fans turn on other fans and backstab each other, whisper false information behind each others backs and for what, the need to prove what?
That you are a better loyal fan than they are, that you believe you have the right to be judge and jury?
You see, from where I stand in all these multiple emotions, obsessions and needs, the only truth you seek, you will never be happy with. Which brings me nicely to the very murky waters of the 'insiders' those who give information to the needy fans, who can't simply use their own common sense and eyes, but need to believe from someone who may or may not be telling the truth. I have seen SO many fake ones, good intention ones, insidiously jealous and filled with hate ones, the mind has brain farts every single time a new one comes onto the scene.

Cousins, best buddies, people getting jobs for stints like music video making, when there is no need to go to 'PA or PR's'R' Us' because no celebrity or a celebrities assistant would hire members of the public for such a job. There is no PA/PR temp. work directory, especially one where you don't sign an NDA so you can blab about the time spent at the celebrities house to anyone who can and will get sucked in; over-hearing conversations on the phone or witnessing a relationship (sounds like something straight out of US Weekly) while the dogs run around your feet?
Babies and marriage certificates, multiple hook ups with mysterious blondes or would be songwriters. Stalking instagram accounts of friends 'just so' you can find out what is happening in your celebrities life. Asking the friend or co star, inappropriate questions on their social media account...when does the role/privilege of being a fan go too far?

Spreading false and misleading information about either celebrity, just to gain a bit of attention, just to become a nuisance. Just because the very existence of your life is both shallow and hollow, that the only light let in, is through projecting your hate onto someone else's life...
and this also goes for the lives of the people in this fandom.
It has been psycologically and socially proven, that once a person logs on to the internet, into their social media space, they become someone else. They enter the world of anon or protective monikers, where nothing is off limits. No celebrity escapes their scathing eye or unjust opinion and that also goes for others on the same media platform.
My opinion has always been very simple, if you are discussing a persons 'personality or behaviour' show evidence to prove this persons 'pattern of behaviour' has changed, what they are saying has changed and 'if' they are indeed lying, prove It. Show where and when they have been lying.

The amount of 'I just know or I have seen some things', doesn't cut it, when you can't prove or in most cases 'won't' because you are not certain yourself or you are the one lying. A person can only be discredited if there is information showing their behaviour has changed or kept conversations 'showing' the discrepancies in what they have been saying or mode of operation ie motive to prove they are being devious.
But all I see is whispered accusations, rumoured information that won't be backed up with proof, but you are just meant to 'believe'

I think not.

Integrity and respect is lacking in this fandom. The very fact that some people believe they can spread rumours, but won't show where they got this information from, is for me right up there with the devious social media, the lying and insidious nature of those spreading false information about the celebrities they follow, and those who just simple hate. Because somewhere along the line they lost the path of their lives and instead, fill those moments with hate...because they can.

I have often thought to myself, walk away - it's a community filled with opinions that are neither right or true, your free time online should not be spent rolling your eyes or getting annoyed by petty behaviour. Who are we to look down upon other people? If you have a problem with someone, confront or walk away. Or on social media, unfollow or block. Why spread rumours, why engage in playground, mean girls attitudes. Why discredit when you may or may not have the right information from 2nd or 3rd party people - go to the source, ask directly and allow the accused to respond to the accusations. This has always been my code of conduct, my sticking point throughout my career and online. If you can't provide 95% proof at the very least, then you have no right to spread rumours about a person, who has not been allowed the decency to defend themselves. If you cannot back the information by producing it for the accused to see...then back off spreading it.

I have seen so many complain and moan about the media's lie spreading, about how uncalled for they are in telling their lies, pushing their opinions onto the gullible public and yet witness them doing the same thing to online friends...two faced springs to mind.
At the end of the day, I don't go by what an 'insider' fake or otherwise say to me, I don't share because I am not of knowledge of whether what I am being told is true or not, but that's okay I don't mind one bit. I go with my gut, it's lead me through some of the toughest decisions in my life and following a couple, the emotional connection they share has never changed its feeling. Those wishing ill on their lives or the lives of others, I feel so sorry for. Obviously we all have troubles in our personal and private spaces, but to project them on others...is just a waste of a dysfunctional emotion, that could be handled a different way.

If your only importance in life is to spread rumours about other people with either good or ill intentions, it says more about your life and choices than it does about the person you are talking or accusing of leading a life you are obviously jealous and resentful of. If they are doing something wrong, it is not up to you to go around dirtying the water, confronting to seek the truth is far more a better judgement call, and far greater a mind cleanser.
If you live your life online, solely for the purpose of spreading lies about a celebrities life, because you have a hollow sense of satisfaction in lying and therefore, not living in the real world. Then you will suddenly wake up in your life, having wasted so much of it hating on other people, totally alone, having failed to understand the complexities of life.
That's not a rumour, or me spreading lies, accusing other people without evidence.

That's cold hard facts, a warning to us all.

T xx

Tuesday, 2 September 2014

Sarcasm, the lowest form of wit...

Be warned, this post is laced with dark humour, sarcastic opinions and WILL offend. If you don't want to read, do not go any further...

A quasi-semi important wedding (well it seemed to be for the Groom, apparently) in which the Aunt of the Bride just had to brag, that of all people attending her neices wedding (you know the centre of attention next to the Groom) Robert Pattinson was there.

Did she gush about her neice and how radiant she looked, her Groom and how dashing he was...no she gushed about the man, who gets all the robsessed hotties panties in a twist.

The wedding attendance had a smattering of celebs, all good friend's, long time friend's of the Groom Bobby Long. But unfortunately the fandom was gripped, all eyes on twitter and instagram accounts, all eager and salivating over anything, a tiny morsal 'what's Rob wearing, who is he with, did Kristen attend? The usual fandom stupidity, also coming from well known names, believing tweets of Rob 'hooking up with an ugly chick' to the bewilderment of others as idiots asked 'is he with 'Imogen, FKA, anybody???'
All in aid of being needy and greedy - RK fans wishing Kristen had attended, robsessed hoping Rob would hook up with one of the Bridesmaids, typical fandom/hater behaviour...

And then in true hysterical overdrive, the fandom gets dropped a changer and doesn't know what to do with it. Is it sarcasm aimed at the RK fans seeking a 'happily ever after' a jab at 'Kristen' because the dislike for this young woman is well known within the circles of the blushing Bride? A dig at the obsessed in this fandom, apparently spreading rumours of weddings and pregnancy and births - oh my!
Or was it just a badly timed joke, because she was asked by a bitter, nasty little troll, who goes by many guises, takes on many forms and uses many names - but her true filth is in the form of poopscoopstew. Yes that's right, a devoted hater of Kristen, she goes around mimicking RK fan accounts, because she lost the bag that held her marbles some time ago and can't seem to find them.

Now...pop history; 2008 saw the dawn of the Robsessed, the birth of Robsten and the pooping out of the Nonstens. You had a nasty bunch of ugly on the inside women, whose sole purpose was to create a nuisance, throw up blogs citing Rob and Kristen were PR (some unfortunately are still around today) a few teamed up with Robsessed/obsessed, those desirables that foamed at the mouth every time Rob stepped outside his door, refused to acknowledge Kristen as Rob's other half, so you can imagine what 2012 in the media did to them? A girlfriend of one of Rob's friends was very close with the robsessed crew...very close indeed. Those around the fandom at the time were fully aware of this girl's 'dislike' of Kristen, her 'obsession' of Rob came off her in nasty waves. Fan fiction dedicated to 'her Edward/Rob' pinning...hoping...wishing...
didnt get her very far.

So...befitting this pattern of behaviour on her honeymoon no less, no more than 24 hrs after exchanging her nuptials with her new husband, 'Rob's 1 fan' took to her twitter account and started a war. If my memory serves me correctly, I'm pretty sure you are meant to be otherwise occupied whilst on Honeymoon??

Instead she wrote; "Too bad his little wife couldn't make it"
Yes it was in response to a message goading a response, but was it done in sarcasm?
After over a year of 'are they, aren't they?' Fools believing the media and instead 'concentrating on just their careers' because they no longer believed, therefore if anyone did they were called mindless fools. Idiots spreading their foolish lies hooking Rob up with....you name it, according to the robsessed/obsessed trolls he nailed it, when he's not addicted to substance abuse...we had a newly wed Mrs, replying and referring to another...Mrs.

Now colour me surprised, the wave of hilarity ensued, I read all the tweets, included the locked ones. Unfortunately for them a blog is dedicated to the tweets of Robsten ALL. Everyone from suggesting it was a joke, it was a hit at the mindless fools believing babies and weddings. A dig at 'certain fans' either way it left everyone wondering...what did it all mean?
Well here is my take in it all...

Who the hell cares?
At the end of the day one thing is very certain.
You can hook Rob Pattinson up with anything/anyone you fancy, but some shit doesn't stick.
You can post your bullshit about Kristen and her 'female' friends, your homophobia is laughable.
You can pine away the days; waiting, hoping, dreaming Rob will suddenly turn to you and say 'you're mine' fantasy eventually lets in reality.

A person, who never had anything nice to say about Kristen 'yeah I've been around that long and my memory never forgets' you may pass it off as sarcasm, personally speaking that would have been the time when she could have stuck it to the RK fans and announced Rob (one of the groomsmen) was very much single, after all she would know.

Instead, for me she confirmed that they are still together. That said more than using the word 'wife' in context, regardless of whether you believe it or not.

T x

Monday, 18 August 2014

Tears Of A Clown...

I have respectfully kept my silence in honour of a great man. A truly gifted, extraordinarily talented man. This post today is brought to you by the spark that was and still is in my heart, Robin Williams...

I want to ask each and every one of you, where will you be in 45 yrs time?
If you take into account Robert Pattinson or Kristen Stewart's ages right now, it will put them both in their early 60's - but where will you be?
You see i have had some time to think over what i wanted to write. Sure i could have designed my post, giving off hell over the lunatics, the cyber trolls who waste valuable time in everyone's lives by posting up their bile and sanctimonious wit - to call attention to themselves. And let's face it, they believe anything that falls out of the mouth of the media...and spread it around like bad fungus - i will get to the media, paparazzi et al shortly.

But instead i want to call this a tribute and maybe open some people's eyes to the world that they live in, the fantasy world that they live in and hopefully someone will benefit from all of this.

We as therapists are obligated to 'listen without prejudice' 'offer comfort when needed' 'remain passive when challenged'
WE are not the fixers of a problem. We are the reserved silence, that allows you to reach the precipice of your life on your own. I have read the media's twist on a tale, their deep respect riddled with sanctimony when they are so willing to produce lies, fantasy filled reports about a man, his family, that deserved the utmost respect during such a difficult, public time of mourning. I read the emotional entries of Robin's daughter, Zelda and how she acknowledged she and her brothers shared their father with the rest of the world and took comfort from the outpouring of grief and support...

I have read every person's point of view about depression and suicide and how it's a 'cowards way out' until my blood boiled and i had to take some time away on my own to make sense of Hollywood and the cyber analysts, who feel they have the right to make the last moments of a person's life, like some really bad script on a movie.

I was a teenager when i first saw Robin Williams make a guest appearance on a US TV show 'Happy Days' and then not long after that, his character had a TV show of it's own 'Mork and Mindy'
I loved his zaniness, his comedic timing, his gentle eyes and his wide open smile. As a teen i thought there was no one like him in the way he made you feel happy any time you watched him. Of course, over the yrs i have seen many of his movies and his comedic brilliance just got better and better. Although he did some serious character work, that made you sit up and go 'whoa' but he always came back to his comic roots. Because that's how he felt he was best understood and it added a slice of laughter to his own life. It wasn't a secret, his battle with severe depression and his addiction to drugs and alcohol, but it's that for me, that made him more human. In the field that i work in, i empathised with his struggles, his 'demons' as he called them - for we all have that darkness, within us.

The misunderstanding of Depression i feel has gone on unnoticed and brushed under the carpet for too long. People assume through blind ignorance, not understanding as not enough is spoken about it. That all it is, a fleeting mood of feeling down, of a few days feeling sorry for yourself and it's over and done with. To 'give yourself a shake, life is not all that bad' the crowning dismissal of something so profoundly devastating. I believe JK. Rowling summed it up wonderfully, when she has made it public knowledge the yrs she suffered from severe or chronic depression, by creating in her Harry Potter books the Dementors; the light goes out in your world and a darkness so deep, so dark, so heavy, that it blankets you. Traps your limbs so tightly, that you can't move with it. It's like all the happiness you have ever had goes out of your life and you are left an empty shell, filled with nothing...

cold and alone.
Dementors = demons.

“Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light." -JK Rowling

Robin struggled with that demon his entire 'personal' life, the darkness that wants to drown you with it's insidious need. He fought and won those battles many times. His work, he threw himself into, because it escaped the darkness, for a little while. Taking your life is not the coward's way out. It's seen as a solution to the problem...a permanent solution. To reason and come to terms with why you feel that is the only way out, not for yourself, but for those around you who love you. But you feel that the love you give them is not enough and it takes a courage born from despair to take the pain away.

I have experienced in my own life with my husband's career in the Armed Forces - PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) the struggle was enormous, the stress from it exhausting. But in the end my husband was the one going through the struggle to make sense of what he had experienced and the silence that came with it.
Some people say that Cancer is a silent killer, because it sweeps through you silently, taken over your body and owning it. Depression is also a silent killer, because it renders you incapable of making sense of how you feel. It makes you ashamed, it makes you weak and it makes you withdraw into a world of very loud silence. So loud it's deafening.

If one thing can be learned, of celebrities that have passed on from this world; their inner battles they face when they are loved by so many - is that depression isn't choosy. It doesn't matter who you are or where you came from. It doesn't care if you have money fit for a Kingdom or you are as penniless as a church mouse.

Mental Illness doesn't care, with the onset of Parkinson's Disease, it makes it even more a powerful loss.

I adored Robin Williams, because he was in my life most of my young adult and adult life. I didn't fawn over him, or have him on such a high pedestal. I didn't fantasize about him or have blogs dedicated to him. I didn't go around exploding my ovaries, that unfortunately is the result of today's young society. I simply watched his movies, enjoyed his characters and his wonderful wit he brought to the world, he gave so much of himself, to stay the darkness away.
I guess the darkness finally won...

I know most of you in 45 yrs time will have moved on from Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart. Eventually we all outgrow our idolising of only one actor/celebrity and entertainer. The media continues however, to spout and ridicule and capitalise on a celebrities life. How rich and famous they are, that they can afford the ridicule, the blood thirsty need to spread their pious opinion. The vile disgust i felt when the need to 'speculate' on the last hours of a man's life. A man that despite his celebrity status - deserved some medium of respect...

fuelled by the spectators sitting back and needing to know everything, we have created a monster in the form of social media, nothing is allowed to be kept private.
If there is anything you will take from this post, it's that life should never be taken for granted. If in 45 yrs time Robert Pattinson or Kristen Stewart have been fortunate to have successfully had a career that has spanned many generations, then they have been blessed. We can all feel that we deserve to be in their lives as fans but we are not. We are only on the outside looking in. When they close the door at night, slip off the mask they wear for the public to see. The performance is over and reality is sitting there, waiting for them in the wings. Might we afford them to make mistakes, to fall in love and try and hold onto it. To not take life so seriously and to not need the adoration of the applause to make them feel that this is the only reason they get up in the morning.

Might we empathise with their struggles that we each carry with us every day. Might we respect their right to privacy and not need to 'put on a show' the moment they step out the door?

Robin for me, i will remember him for his gift of making people laugh, even when he felt his own demons where mocking him. That he tried to make a good life out of the sticks and stones he was given. That with each movie he created another persona, another reason for everyone to love him. The love people had for Robin, was warm and encompassing. His love for making people laugh, for bringing joy to children, to adults and to the tireless work the Armed Forces of both men and women, who he felt deserved more of an accolade that he did.

With his twinkling eyes, his Mrs. Doubtfire spirit. For his need to soar freely like Peter Pan. For his cautious poetic take in Dead Poets Society - Carpe Diem Robin.
For his zany bursts of sporadic human understanding in Mork and Mindy, to breaking free with exuberance in Aladdin. His humble take of love in Happy Feet, to his forward leadership in the Night at the Museum - Robin Williams will live on in the hearts of everyone. For he truly was a brilliant, brilliant man and he should be remembered that way.
T xx

(the explanation of the age reference; 45 yrs is one person's life time, Robin was 63 when he passed on from this life. Both Rob and Kristen are in their 20's, in 45 yrs time they will be in their 60's)